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I'm an Okie native, but currently an Arkansan. Newlywed. Hairstylist. Lover of all things creative. Pinterest and blog addict. Wanna-be photographer and wedding planner. Jesus follower. I love meeting new people and I'd love for you to stay a while, read a lot, and follow along. I love discovering new blogs so leave me a comment and I'm thrilled you're here!

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Monday, February 11, 2013

On Long Distance Relationships.....

 

I've had a lot of people questioning me lately about long distance relationships and how Aaron and I make ours work and how we feel about living under the same roof in a few short months. Here are a few answers to your questions.

First of all let me say that yes, I do believe long distance relationships work. Let me also say that they do not work for everyone and I think it takes a very strong bond and two people that really love each other a lot to MAKE it work.

Aaron and I were lucky that we met while living in the same town and that we were able to spend two years together before we switched to long distance. I think it would be extremely hard to meet some and begin a relationship long distance.

When we met, we instantly clicked and knew this would be something that we knew could last if we preserved it. We both knew that eventually Aaron would have to attend another college because our school did not have his degree plan. Never once did I encourage Aaron to stay for me because I did not want him to settle for a different degree. Of course, Aaron asked me to go with him to Tahlequah, but we both knew I was super happy where I was and would stay and finish out my last two years of college in Fort Smith. I truly appreciated that he did not beg me to go, or make me feel bad for staying. He encouraged me to do what I wanted to do. We always said that we knew what we had was special, but the long distance would be the ultimate test to see just how strong our relationship was. Some people would say that an hour and a half is not considered long distance, but it is still distance and it was still hard.

During those two years, we managed to see each other once a week.....sometimes every two weeks depending on what our schedules were like. We would go visit each other on the weekends and it was always so much fun. I would go visit him and meet all his new friends and he would come visit me and see all his old friends. It was great and I loved every minute of it. The week leading up to a visit, I was always so excited because I had something to look forward to. What they say is true...distance really does make the heart grow fonder. You don't take for granted the short amount of time you have together, so you make every second count and you make it a point to not argue or bicker, but to fully enjoy every minute you have together. The hardest part about our college days were the times when Aaron would be going to hang out with his new friends and I would be going to bed early because I had 5:30am pom practices the next morning. Those nights were hard because I would want to talk and he wouldn't be available and then you lay in bed letting your mind wander. The same was true for Aaron. There would be nights that I was going out with friends and he was going to bed early to get up for hunting. That was pretty much the hardest time for us. I will have to say that it involves a lot of trust and thank goodness we both trusted each other a lot. If you are a jealous person and don't trust your partner then I can't imagine ever making it through a long distance relationship in college.

Neither Aaron nor I are big phone talkers. Matter of fact, we both highly dislike talking on the phone. We don't talk every morning because Aaron goes to work early and I work late so he is kind and lets me sleep most mornings. We usually text to some extent during the days and then I call him when I get off work and we will talk for a bit and then we call each other right before bed. I will be honest, we do not sit and talk for hours upon hours and we're both okay with that. We talk about our day at work, what we have planned for that evening and tomorrow, and then anything else going on in our lives. When you don't see each other or interact with each other every day, it is possible to sometimes run out of things to talk about....and I think that is normal and okay. Luckily, Aaron and I have a lot to talk about regarding our wedding and our future plans. I ask a lot of questions about his new home, new job, and new friends so that I can get a feel for what is to come.

Now that Aaron and I are seven hours apart, it is a lot different. We only get to see each other once a month and it is a lot harder. I think it is also a lot harder because we don't have crazy busy schedules like we did in college and we don't live with our friends that kept us occupied. It is a lot lonelier when you don't have your friends around 24/7. Luckily, I'm living at home with my parents until the wedding so I stay pretty busy and have them around to hang out with. I can definitely tell it is a lot harder on Aaron being at home alone most of the time. He is definitely ready for me to be there and share all the new things with him. I am so ready to be there too....SO READY.

I can say 100% that if I could go back and do things over again, I WOULD NOT change it for the world. I am so thankful that Aaron and I were able to spend two amazing years together at the beginning of college getting to know each other and build our relationship. I am so thankful that the last two years of college were spent soaking up quality time with our friends, enjoying college to the fullest, and making our relationship stronger. And now, I am so thankful that there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel and we get to spend eternity together in the same town, under the same roof, and seeing each other every day. Will it be hard to get used to? Of course. Will there be times where we are so frustrated with each other and all we want to do is get away and have time to ourselves to think? Absolutely. Will we both miss our friends and families terribly? You bet, but we will also get to explore a new town and new friends together. We will get to know each other on a whole new level because the Lord knows we are both not the same person we were when we met at 18 years old. When things get tough, we will have no one to turn to or lean on but each other....no running to our parents house or best friends house to get away....just each other. I think it is going to make our relationship so much stronger.

I thought when we started our long distance relationship that I would cry a lot. I can count on my hands the number of times I've cried over it in the last four years. There have been a few times when I've cried on my drive home from visiting him in Arkansas...usually a sweet song sparks the tears. I remember the first time I cried on the phone with him after he moved to Tahlequah. He told me I better dry it up real quick. And I remember the time I cried in front of him after we got engaged when I had to leave him in Arkansas....he didn't like that either. Crying is good and you will cry at times, but remember, no one wants to hear you sulk and cry about it all the time because it makes them sad too and I imagine that might get old to them after a while. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't crying right now as I write this post....tears of joy.

Even though I've been in a long distance relationship for four years, I still cannot imagine how hard it must be for those in extreme long distance relationships, or people with military spouses. I commend you and think that you are truly amazing and strong individuals.

With all of that being said, my best advice to give those in long distance relationships is that it can work and it will be worth it. It will not be easy at all. Keep yourself busy with family and friends, but make time to stop and talk with your partner when they call. Don't sit at home and sulk, go have fun and live your life. When you finally see the light at the end of that long tunnel, it will be all the more exciting, fun, and worth it.

I'm not going to apologize for how extremely long this post is because it's something I've been wanting to write about for a long, long time. It feels so good to write about it and remember exactly how I'm feeling at this moment....so thankful, blessed, and excited for everything that is to come. I will say, thank you if you're still reading :)

2 comments:

  1. Really great post, Quince. I'm pretty sure you and I have talked about Andrew and me going through the super-long distance relationship a month after we started dating. Good thing we had known each other years before and could handle it. Sometimes I even (jokingly) get on to Andrew now that we live together, saying he takes me for granted now that he has me around all the time! But oh my gosh, some of those days up in Wisconsin... I would have given anything to see him. It's tough. And I'm glad it's over.

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  2. good stuff Quincee!!! Rusty hates it when I cry too.....so I just do it when he's not around....
    Can't wait 'til June!!!

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