I Will Carry You: Our Miscarriage Story- Part 2

 

 As I sit here writing this post a year later from when I wrote THIS POST ABOUT OUR MISCARRIAGE STORY (link here), I can't help but be extremely grateful and excited because I am 13 weeks pregnant this time. I just wanted to give you guys an update on what the past year has been like for us and I hope that it will help anyone else going through the same struggles, but it will also be a way for us to remember our journey and look back on one day.

Last year during this time I was extremely scared to post about our miscarriage on our blog, but I just felt called to share our story, not for sympathy or pity, but to help myself heal. I had read numerous blogs/articles about miscarriage and they all helped me out so much so I thought if one person read my blog and found it helpful then it was worth it. I did not want to be silent about miscarriage and I felt like in order to heal I needed to talk to others about their stories. You guys, I was completely OVERWHELMED and AMAZED at the response I received from that post. I got hundreds of comments, messages, responses from people I am extremely close with and people I barely knew telling me their miscarriage stories and how they got through it. It was absolutely mind blowing to me that so many of you have experienced such a terrible thing and so many people I had no clue it happened to reached out to me. Some of you had very very similar stories to ours with almost the exact same due date, miscarriage dates and others of you were successfully pregnant with a baby due on the same day as ours, but had suffered numerous miscarriages before. Some of you had happy endings and some of you were still struggling, but every single story touched my heart in such a profound way and made a HUGE difference in my coping. I cried so many tears reading through all the messages, but they all gave me so much hope. It seemed as though many of you were able to get pregnant again a few months after your miscarriages so I really held on to that hope, praying that we would be in the same boat. However, a second pregnancy didn't come as easy for us.

We began trying again as soon as our doctor gave us the go ahead. We didn't want to stress about it at all, we just wanted to go with the flow. We tried our best not to over think it, we prayed constantly and just trusted that the Lord's timing would be perfect. It was not easy by any means and some days were really hard. I can definitely say I've cried more in the last year than I have my entire life. If there was a sad song on the radio, I was crying. If I saw someone announce a pregnancy on Facebook, I was crying. When I saw pictures of the girl's bellies on Facebook that had my same due date, I was crying. Don't get me wrong, I was extremely happy for those people, but I'm not going to lie, as much as I hate to admit this, I was also extremely jealous and wishing it was me. I think by far the hardest time for me was the month leading up to my due date. I felt like I was a crazy person, crying constantly at the drop of a dime for no reason. I remember one day in particular, I was just really off and emotional and felt like all I could do was cry. I finally got myself together, and went over to our friend's house to hang out for the evening. Once I walked in they could tell something was off so they asked if everything was okay and I absolutely lost it. Just started bawling and ran out of the house. I had no idea why I was crying, but I just couldn't handle anything that day. Those days occurred more often than I would have liked them to. I still have those moments, even a year later. I am always open to talk about it when someone asks, but sometimes I loose it when I try to talk about it... happened just the other day with my family. I feel like that is probably pretty normal, but there are days when I feel like telling myself "Suck it up, Quincee, there are so many other people going through WAY harder things than this, this is just a small bump in the road of life, just get over it." I'll never forget the nurse that wheeled me out of the hospital after I had my miscarriage....she gave me a huge hug and said, "I promise this will get easier, but there will never be a day that goes by for the rest of your life that you won't think about that baby." Oh my gosh was she right (she had 3 miscarriages herself). Not. One. Single. Day.

So here I sit, a year later, 13 weeks pregnant, extremely excited, yet still extremely scared and paranoid. I feel like some of my pregnancy joy in the beginning was stolen because I was constantly worried that it would happen again. I try not to think about it as much as possible, but it's hard. It's kind of crazy because our plan was to wait a year before taking any medical fertility action. I had actually scheduled my first doctor's appointment with a new doctor since the miscarriage for July. At that appointment we were going to discuss our options with the doctor. We found out we were pregnant May 27th. Last year we found out we were pregnant on May 31st. I guess May is our month :)

We absolutely ADORE our new doctor. She has taken amazing care of us and completely eased all our worries and concerns. It has already been 1,000x better than our experience with our first doctor. We got to hear the baby's heartbeat at our first appointment. She wanted to see us every two weeks until we were out of the first trimester, just to make sure everything looked okay. She even offered to meet with us every week, if that made us feel better! At every appointment, we get to see the baby and the heartbeat on her handheld ultrasound machine. She has also put me on Progesterone to help prevent another miscarriage. We are SO SO SO thankful for our doctor, she has been such a God send to us.

For those of you that are reading this that are going struggling with fertility, going through a miscarriage, or have lost a child in any way, please know that I am constantly praying for you and I think about you very often. Please know that it is hard for me to announce this on a public forum without feeling guilty or weird because I know the way it made me feel when I would read about other people's successful pregnancies. I can't wait for the day that I get on Facebook and see an announcement picture with you in it and I will jump for joy with excitement for you!

Lastly, thank you all for your prayers, support, for reaching out to us and for just checking in and asking us how we were doing. You made all the difference in the world to us. We are so excited to be parents and we can't wait to share our journey with you!

A big thank you to our sweet friend Josh for taking these announcement pictures for us!! We LOVE them!